{"id":60,"date":"2023-07-25T12:00:24","date_gmt":"2023-07-25T12:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/homecinemaprojections.com\/?p=60"},"modified":"2023-07-26T03:41:51","modified_gmt":"2023-07-26T03:41:51","slug":"dont-f-in-the-woods","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/homecinemaprojections.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/25\/dont-f-in-the-woods\/","title":{"rendered":"Don’t F*** in the Woods"},"content":{"rendered":"

The audacity of this movie opening with an Alfred Hitchcock quote… Even if it was meant as a joke, it doesn\u2019t belong anywhere near this film.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The movie starts with an opening scene that horror fans have seen the likes of countless times: a sex scene (what else can you expect with a movie titled as it was). I\u2019m not saying the character writing or acting in classic horror films is great, but what was shown on screen for this opening was laughable. Going from the characters making stupid jokes and stale dialogue to the woman stripping for her boyfriend in the middle of the forest. It felt like the writer just wanted to get through the intro without having to do any work to naturally get from point A to point B. Of course this act gets interrupted by the monster, seemingly killing both characters.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Speaking of the writer, <\/span>Don\u2019t Fuck in the Woods <\/span><\/i>was written and directed by Shawn Burkett. I took a quick glance at the other films in his portfolio and it seems like this type of raunchy \u201chorror\u201d film is his go-to schtick. I can\u2019t say too much on the subject because this is the only one of his I\u2019ve seen (this film <\/span>does <\/span><\/i>have a sequel, so I\u2019ll probably watch and review that for Thursday).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Throughout the first half of the movie, it tries to be tongue-in-cheek and meta, but this falls flat on its face. The characters are far too unlikable and the dialogue is atrocious (in one instance a character is yelling about wanting to go home and another character replies to this with \u201cwe need to fucking go home, is what we need to do\u201d). There are plenty of jokes geared towards the classic slasher lineup of archetypal characters, but there doesn’t seem to be any reason to write characters in these boxes because the film doesn\u2019t have anything smart to say about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Roman Jossart plays Mac, both the stoner and incredibly annoying character. It doesn\u2019t seem like he makes one comment the entire movie that isn’t about sex. Like, I realize this movie was likely made for the sole purpose of showcasing naked women for the viewer, but c\u2019mon\u2026 it\u2019s just too on the mark. And the types of comments he makes are gross and perverted most of the time. I believe it is briefly mentioned in the beginning of the movie that one of the girls he drools over the entire time is his step-sister. Not only is this pointless and meaningless to the plot or story of the movie, but it feels like an unnecessarily gross thing for an already unlikable character to have these motivations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The film <\/span>did <\/span><\/i>have pretty decent filmmaking in terms of technical ability. Many of my complaints about the filming style and cinematography can probably be argued away using the low budget as reasoning. My one big complaint here is that it felt like scenes were not thought out fully in terms of storyboarding or shot planning. There were a couple times where the characters are looking at something off screen and talking about it, but not once does the camera show what they see. This isn’t done for story purpose or suspense building either, it literally feels like the filmmaker was too lazy to either shoot the reverse angle or show something that could actually be considered interesting.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The middle portion of the movie lulls along with no real direction. Some characters that we don\u2019t know get killed while having sex, the group sits around and talks pointlessly amongst themselves, and there is a weird segment where a man who is meant to be a park ranger pleasures himself to the thought of Lacey (played by Nadia White) stripping in front of him. Once again, I know what this movie\u2019s motivations are, but the writing doesn\u2019t play into that idea enough to not have me shaking my head while watching.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The villain of the movie, a bald monster with sharp yellow teeth, is surprisingly well designed for a movie like this. Although he is not scary, you can suspend your disbelief enough to believe this thing is not just some guy in a halloween costume. And though the costume may be well constructed, the character\u2019s motivations sure aren\u2019t. It may be obvious that the creature goes after and kills young adults in the woods who are having sex, but it\u2019s not clear why. Is it because the monster calls this forest his home and he doesn’t want it tainted? If so, does he kill every animal that mates within the ecosystem, or just ones that don\u2019t ecologically belong? I guess it doesn\u2019t really matter why the slasher is killing its victims, what seems to matter is that there\u2019s blood and breasts filling the screen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Every character in the movie dies (except for the final girl) including those who don\u2019t partake in sex, but I guess when there\u2019re razor thin motivations for the characters it doesn\u2019t really matter if they stick to them. Obviously the message of this film isn’t that sex is bad and you should be killed if you do it, but is there really meant to be any message at all?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One thing I would\u2019ve loved to see more of in this movie is suspense. There are no jump scares, no music buildup to a scary scene, and no atmosphere that made me feel like I was even supposed to be watching a horror movie. The soundtrack was mostly filled with hard rock songs and music that didn\u2019t do anything meaningful for the film. By the time a musical score felt present, it was too late. The ending sequence was the only time the music felt like it was an intentional part of the movie.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I was quite disappointed by the ending. Even though the monster was not established to be impenetrable or even hard to kill, it felt like a flaming arrow was a dumb way for a menacing creature to die, and so easily at that. The end of the movie didn\u2019t leave me satisfied or with elation in my heart that Jane, played by Brittany Blanton, survived the (not super scary) past few nights. By the time it was over I felt ready to be done watching, Unfortunately, I was met with another ten minutes of content the filmmakers felt was necessary to include within the runtime of a feature film: bloopers. It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t appreciate seeing behind the scenes, but I\u2019d prefer if they were not packaged as part of the movie itself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Final Thoughts:<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

With long sequences of actions that do nothing to further the story in an already short movie, it seems as though the director just wanted to get naked women in front of his camera rather than tell a compelling horror story.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For a horror-comedy, <\/span>Don\u2019t Fuck in the Woods <\/span><\/i>did a very poor job at portraying either genre.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

Ratings:<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

As a Film: 1\/10<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Personal Enjoyment: 4\/10<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Within its Genre: 2\/10<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Fun Scale: 5\/10<\/strong><\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The audacity of this movie opening with an Alfred Hitchcock quote… Even if it was meant as a joke, it doesn\u2019t belong anywhere near this film.\u00a0 The movie starts with an opening scene that horror fans have seen the likes of countless times: a sex scene (what else can you …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":62,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[9,12,10,8,13,11],"class_list":["post-60","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tubi-t-days","tag-dont-fuck-in-the-woods","tag-home-cinema","tag-horror","tag-movie-review","tag-reviews","tag-tubi"],"yoast_head":"\nDon't F*** in the Woods - Where I Project my Movie Opinions onto Your Screen!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In this week's Tuesday edition of Tubi T-Days, the film "Don't F*** in the Woods" is discussed. 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